Single Moms and Divorce: How to Handle the Difficult Times

Single moms who are going through a divorce have a rocky road ahead of them. No matter how amicable the divorce is, it will still be tough on the children in the picture. Single moms can help their children through the pain of divorce by making a point of helping themselves. Learn how to handle the divorce with class, so your children can be proud of you.

Here are a few things single moms can expect from divorce:

1. Dealing with the pain. No matter how amicable the divorce might be, make no mistake about the grieving process. Divorce is a loss, and it should be recognized as such. You might have only one night of wallowing in the pain of the divorce, or you might face years of trying to cope. Each person is different, just as each marriage is different. Becoming a single mom is not easy, but keep in mind that you aren’t the first, and unfortunately, you won’t be the last.
2. Keeping it all positive. Try to find the positive spin in every negative situation. As a single mom, you will have to be the one who puts on a brave face for your child. Never say anything bad about your ex-husband, and don’t share the details of your divorce, even if they seem to be perfectly kosher and innocent.
3. Learning to share. In a perfect world, custody would not have such a loaded connotation. But for many single moms, fighting for custody or worrying about your children when they are with their father is a serious issue. Learning to share in the care and raising of your child feels a bit like letting go before you’re ready, and it can be tough to handle. Remind yourself that you are working toward the best possible outcome for your child, and try to put your own feelings aside.
4. Handling the details. Single moms usually face a serious financial crisis right after the divorce. Learning the details of living on one income, or figuring out how social services works, can be daunting tasks, and in some cases will actually lead women to stay in a bad marriage rather than face the world without a safety net. Take your time in figuring out the details, rely on family and friends, and ease into being a single mom by taking the divorce gradually, if possible.
5. Learning to move forward. Once you have been a single mom for a while, you might begin to think about what life would be like beyond that “single mother” label. Do you want to date after your divorce? How soon is too soon? How will your children feel about it? All of theses decisions can be tough to handle, so be kind to yourself. You don’t have to have all the answers immediately…and when you do have the answers, then you know you’re ready.