Single Moms in the Military: How Do They Cope?

Single moms in the military face unique parenting challenges. They have to learn how to handle late nights, long shifts, and tours of duty while their children are growing up. They face this with help from the military in the form of a parenting or family plan, one that makes it clear who will be taking care of the children when a single mom has to deploy or be otherwise engaged in military activity.

Many single moms handle this issue by signing temporary custody of their children to family members, with the strict assurances that as soon as they return, custody will revert back to them. The military will often help single moms get their children back after their service is over, especially if a problem has arisen during their time away, or if the surrogate parent balks at the idea of returning the child to their rightful parents. Most courts have no problem with awarding custody to the single mom immediately upon learning of her military service, but other courts might not be so keen, so check closely on the court in the area you intend to file to determine which way they lean.

Even when you do have your children with you, such as during the time you spend on your home base, childcare is of the utmost importance. You will need a caregiver who can work day and night, who has no problem with overnight stays, and who can be available at a moment’s notice to handle your children. The only time the military will let you have “time off” to take care of your child is when a situation is very severe, such as a hospitalization.

Single moms have taken a lot of heat in recent years when it comes to joining the military. The nature of the military means it has to come first, and no allowances are made for single moms who suddenly change their mind and decide to stay home with their children instead of doing what the military tells them to do. Single moms in this situation can even risk serious jail time for disobeying orders. So if you are a single mom who is thinking about joining the military, think long and hard about the implications of that — because once you sign that paper, so far as the government is concerned, the military comes first — not your kids.

Coping with the military can be tough, and coping with kids as a single mom can be tough as well. Know what you’re getting into before you sign on that dotted line and devote years to the military!