Single Mothers and Assumptions: How to Handle Negative Comments

As a single mother, you might have had your share of negative comments directed your way. If you are divorced, you might have fielded questions about why you are single now — and you might have felt as though you had to answer for it, as if being divorced and becoming a single mother is a terrible mark on your character. If you are a single mother by choice, you might have faced even more critical backlash.

How do you handle it when someone asks you about being a single mom? You can usually tell from the way they ask the question whether this will turn into a pity party that focuses on you as the poor single mom who needs a man, or whether it will become the “she’s a single mom so she must be a slut and a bad parent” kind of discussion. How you handle it from the very beginning will speak volumes about what others think of you. Remember, what their assumptions and notions are can be overcome by your competent, not-backing-down attitude.

Here are just a few things you might hear as a single mother — and how to handle them.

* “Are they from the same father?” Many people will assume that a single mother sleeps around, and so her children all have different fathers. Whether they do or not is irrelevant — the fact that they have the same mother is what matters. This comment doesn’t speak very highly of the person who says it, and you can respond by simply smiling and saying, “They are all mine. End of story.”
* “So you rely on child support.” Many single moms have to make it on their own, without any emotional or financial support from the father. If someone asks you about child support, make a point of saying that you are quite capable of handling your finances.
* “You really can’t raise a child without a father figure.” Many single mothers can, and they do — every single day. Remind this lout that you can be enough for your child, and you don’t have to have a man around to be happy.
* “You’re so strong!” This is a compliment, and it should be taken as such — but if they harp on the fact over and over, remind them that single mothers have the same fears and needs as everyone else, and that sometimes, it would be nice to have someone else help you carry the load for a while. Maybe they will take the hint and offer to babysit!
* “Single moms can’t raise successful children.” This is a ridiculous phrase that doesn’t broker any discussion. But if you are so inclined to jump into the fray, simply point out that President Barack Obama was raised by a single mother — and he seems to be doing just fine.